


Good Enough.

by hokkybear



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Jealous!Kili, Kili might have slight anxiety, Kinda, Much hurt, Overthinking, Such angst, Upset!Kili, and everything is peaceful, comforting!Fili, either way its gonna be cute, or a brotp, this is a long one-shot im sorry, you can think of this as an otp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 11:38:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8978137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hokkybear/pseuds/hokkybear
Summary: Kili's been noticing how incredibly great and stunning Fili really is, and Kili is struggling to be okay with that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic on this damn site and wow am i nervous. please comment whatever you'd like, i love taking criticism.

Being stressed and tired over being one of the heirs to the throne was probably one of the biggest understatements of the century for poor little Kili. Ever since they've reclaimed the mountain, the stress of one day becoming king was weighing down on the exhausted dwarf in many ways.

He strived to be taken seriously, to be looked up to, why was that so hard for him to reach? it seemed inevitable. To become that same charasmatic, passionate, incredible and crave that insatiable hunger for success as his strong older brother did. He couldn't lay his finger on it, on how he couldn't be as talented as Fili. How he couldn't receive the same proud nod of uncle Thorin, or the same gentle yet admiring caress to the side of his cheek like Dís did to Fili so often.

He hated how not perfect he was. He hated how he didn't look the other dwarves. He hated being called too tall, too lanky, too naive and dumb to take place as King under the Mountain. Yet, he did find it to be his fault considering he let such hurtful things ruin the pride and joy he once had.

Oh, he would do anything to be like Fili.  
He found it selfish feeling such things. He felt like he was over exaggerating, because, he had everything he could have ever asked for - right? He was a prince. A charming one at that. Although the dwarves did not think so, although his kin thought he was too hairless, he did catch the eye of many humans and many elves. He lived in complete luxury, with all the gold you could have in the world. An incredible and strong uncle that everyone feared yet was thankful for at the same time. Fili, always helping out the humans of Laketown and provided as much comfort as needed.

He even felt as if Sigrid was developing a small crush on his older brother. And well, that didn't feel good at all. Kili was supposed to be the handsome and flirtaciously iresistible one, did Fili really have to take that name away from him too?

'Stop it,' Kili thought to himself.

Completely annoyed and frustrated with his own mind for thinking such things. It simply cannot be the golden blonde's fault, Fili always thought about others first. Never himself. The golden prince would never mind to the romantic feelings some may hold for him, which Kili did not understand at all. His brother was strong, kind, one of the most courageous and most oustanding warriors he has ever seen. He knew he would be a better King than Kili himself, who wouldn't fall in love with that? He was fucking amazing. And Kili envied his older brother for that.

Kili sat there. In his bed just contemplating, pondering. Being petty, being jealous. Oh Mahal, why was he like this? He did not like this feeling, the feeling of not being good enough. Was he good enough?

All thoughts snapped away from the brunette dwarf's head as his mother, Dis, entered the room.

"Is my son ready, prince?" She asked the young one. She sent him a small smile, a smile that made Kili feel even more guilty for wasting his time self-loathing than actually getting ready for the party.  
He fiddled with his fingers a bit, he knew he had to attend this party. It was a celebration of Thorin taking back Erebor, for claiming his rightful throne as King under the Mountain. And he was simply not ready for it. He was not ready to visit with old friends, relatives, to see Gimli once again. To see more /dwarves/. Because he knew he would never look like them. Never reach the expectations needed.

But he had to go. It was for Thorin.  
He sent back the same small smile he forced upon his non-dwarvish features,  
"Yes, mama," he said as he stood up, dusting off his attire a bit.

It would be considered an understatement if Kili were to say he had no clue on how to dress himself up. So he was glad to have professional come and actually give his unexperienced choice in fashion a bit of guidance.

His mother's smile grew wider, but the loving feeling in her features never faded, "I am so proud of you, Kili. So, so proud.." She began, continuing to take on such a mother role as she pulled him into her arms, not caring that her young boy is now a few inches taller than her.  
"And mahal, you look as handsome as ever, my little one."

"Not so little anymore," he heard a deep grumble of a voice say.

"Oh hush it, brother," She hissed at Thorin who stood in the doorframe, a grin forming on the older dwarf's intimidating facial features.

Thorin never smiled as often as he did now, not only because he claimed his home once again, but Mr. Bilbo decided to stay a while. Although uncle Thorin would never admit it, Kili, his brother, and basically everyone in the company and outside the company knew that the big, intimidating King that was Thorin Oakenshield grew a soft spot for the young Hobbit.

And the young dwarf vowed never to mock him for it. Yet.

Thorin took a step into bedroom and examined the clothes that Kili got help with picking out, and Kili suddenly felt self-conscious. What if his uncle did not approve? Was it too much? Too little? He wore around the same layers as Thorin did, it cannot be too horrendous.

The King then sighed with content, walking up to his nephew as he placed his hands on his shoulders, a proud smile being spread across the strong one's lips.

"Oh, how much you have matured, ‘ibin abnâmul," Thorin said although his voice stayed quiet, but Kili could hear the pride and joy he held in his tone, and it made his mood sky-rocket.

Making his uncle proud. Before giving his mother and Thorin one last hug, he promised to meet them downstairs for the ceremony that was starting quite soon, apparently.

The young one turned to the mirror as he heard the door close, he examined his outfit, not quite used to having to wear such luxuries.

He wore a very dark blue shirt with the fabric very thin. See-through, almost. And it hugged the young dwarf very nicely. The shirt was not too tight yet not too baggy. It was loose, and it felt more comfortable that way. It hugged the dwarf's shoulders quite nicely, and as he began scan down his arms, he took note of the outline and creases of his shirt causing his muscular arms to pop out more.

He then scanned his torso, the brunette taking note of how skinny his waist is, which brings out the younger dwarf's shoulders even more, the chest of his shirt left compeletly unbuttoned. He was used to seeing his worn-out, dark brown trousers that he wore during the journey. But were replaced with simple yet incredibly wide black ones. He sighed, taking in his looks one more time, starting to question how much he has to eat to at least gain SOME weight.

"Okay.." The young dwarf muttered, bitting down on his bottom lip as he chewed on it nervously, "Time to go meet the others." He dusted himself off one more time before heading out and walking to where the said-party was located. People were already gathering around. He was quite surprised to see those of all races. There were elves, humans.

And get this, they were _talking_! Well, they didn't look too happy to see each other, but on the other hand, it was quite obvious that the different races were at least trying to tolerate one another. Either way, it made the young dwarf very happy seeing that after the war, the elves, the dwarves, and the humans actually interacting with one another. _peacefully_.

He felt a sense of calmness seeping into his bones, a small smile appearing on the prince's facial features. 

 

 

And on the night went, Kili felt a lot happier than the brunette had in  _years._ And did the young dwarf prince have a blast. Kili was his usual, talkative self. He goofed off, threw food at innocent bystanders. It was amazing to not have to worry, and to just do what he feels. Without the feeling of being hunted, or being killed. It all just felt too good. And he let himself enjoy every second of it. 

It was almost as if all the anxiety and self-doubt was completely gone. He spoke to Mr. Baggins, letting the hobbit talk to him about his times in the shire. The young dwarf not containing himself, always butting in little jokes about young Bilbo, earning a scowl and the roll of the eyes from the young hobbit. But he could tell there was somewhat of endearment in his eyes. He continued on, bothering the dwarves, shamelessly hitting on elves. It never worked. He's pretty sure he tried hitting on Legolas at one point, causing the annoyed yet confused elf to roll his eyes from his completely un-flawed, pale features. 

The party was not as bad as Kili anticipated, it was actually quite fun catching up with old friends and telling them all sorts of stories of when he was on his journey with the company.

And that was the situation as of now. The young prince met up with Dwalin and the rest of the company, telling other dwarves, elves and humans all about their adventures.

"Oh come on, Dwalin!" Kili teased as he punched the big dwarf playfully in the shoulder, causing him to scowl at the young dwarf, "You're just jealous that I've got more wit up my sleeve!"

All friends and family erupted into laughter, with Dwalin snapping back,

"I'm not the one that took an arrow to the knee, puny prince!" 

Kili formed a cute pout across his lips, his arms beginning to fold over his chest a soft huff escaped him, and that reaction causing the laughter in the group of friends to intensify.

"Hey, that's not fair, Dwalin!" The much younger dwarf started, "I was trying to free us, you cannot make fun!"

Dwalin gave out a deep chuckle, as Ori gave him a sympathetic smile. 

"Do not make fun, Dwalin. You were once a young and naive dwarf yourself, ay?" Balin interrupted, the corner of Kili's lips going up into a smile as someone came to his rescue. 

All Dwalin did in response to Balin's quick defense was roll his eyes, a grunt-like growl escaping from the much older dwarf.

And they continued on, just speaking to one another. Laughter boomed here and there, questions being thrown left and right about Smaug. It all fell right into place, it felt.. peaceful for once. And it was going to stay like that for quite some time, Kili hoped with every fiber in his being that it would. 

"And then Kili and Fili lost track of the ponies, completely!" Bofur exclaimed, his arms wailing up in a dramatic motion for more affect, causing a bunch of snickering. 

"We had to try and retrieve them quickly. But those bloody ogres," Gloin grumbled,

"That was also one of the prolific times that Master Baggins saved our lives." Thorin added, his deep and heavy voice coming off as quite proud and assuring, giving a small yet warm smile to the burglar.

The hobbit's face was completely flushed as he continued to smoke his pipe, shaking his head quickly as Kili took notice of his now rosy cheeks,

"No, no! It was all luck to do what I did out there, nothing to be looked so intently on, I assure you all of that!" Bilbo began, tapping his hairy feet a bit against the hard floor. 

"Don't be so modest, now," Ori said, "without you, we would have been eaten by those horrendous looking ogres, we will forever be in debt to you!"

Mr. Baggins was about to decline such a nice offering until Dwalin's thick accent interrupted,

"We wouldn't have been in this mess if Fili and Kili just watched the damn ponies."

The youngest of the dwarf princes was about to object to such words before Bilbo spoke up once again,

"Where is Fili, by the way?"

Kili cleared his throat uncomfortably. He's been avoiding his brother's presence for quite some time now, mostly because of his own thoughts and insecurities. Just looking at the golden locked prince made Kili's hidden jealousy and envy fume inside of the young dwarf's stomach.

And if the company were to seek out Fili? Well, Kili would be out of this situation in a heartbeat.

He knew he couldn't avoid his brother forever, that was quite clear. But he could not face him now, not yet. Not until he's got his own head sorted out, he doesn't need to be worrying about  his own thoughts and feelings interfering with the strong bond he already has with his brother. He needs to be in a healthier mental state, to feel happy again. And it'll take time, but until then, no Fili.

They began to speak about his brother, a few of them volunteering to search for him. Kili had to excuse himself away from the group quickly before anyone got any ideas.

"I'm going to the food tables, I'm... I'm quite hungry," He told the others, forcing a smile on his face as they looked at him.

Dwalin nodded. 

"Go. Stuff yer face."

In the back of the young dwarf's mind, he thanked Dwalin. A wave of relief washed over him as he walked over to anywhere but that particular group, and quickly enough, he began to distract himself yet again. Being a bothersome to those around him.

And in this moment, Kili felt very happy with himself. He walked around, talked to everyone. Made people laugh with his quite childish but hilarious actions and jokes. 

It all felt so good, to be positive toward everyone. To make those around him lighten up, to just be in a brighter mood because of something he did. And he was enjoying every second of it, not letting an ounce of that happiness go to waste. Because he knew it would vanish any second if he wasn't careful enough with his mind.

Although, not all enjoyed the young one's charms and acts of oddity. 

It actually came off as annoying to some.

But Kili could care less about what people thought around him. Nothing was to bother him, and he never felt happier. 

Underneath all that happiness, Kili knew. Kili was hiding. Emotionally, and physically. For the emotion part, the young one could not bare the others obtaining the knowledge that Kili was indeed, insecure. That he did self-doubt himself quite a lot when he's all alone, and he imagined himself being greater behind his eyelids when no one were to be around. That, that was something Kili could not withstand. No matter how big of resistance, he needed to keep himself as normal as possible. 

That is where the physical actions take place. He was not hiding from anything dreadful or dehumanizing per se, and it was quite embarrassing for Kili to even admit it in his head. 

He was hiding from his brother. 

The same brother that had helped him for years and years, who never asked for anything more of his little brother, than to just be by his side. And Kili couldn't even do that for the older and much smarter prince. And oh, there were no words that he could ever describe of how disappointed the brunette was in himself over something so childish. 

But, it's not his fault, right? Come on, Fili has been outstanding and incandescent, and became more incredible in the younger brother's eyes within every passing day. And it made the jealousy that Kili has been bottling up ever since they won the battle become increasingly effective in his life. Things were supposed to be okay now, why was this so hard for Kili?

He was not mad at Fili, he could never. Fili brought the utmost amount of love to not only Kili, but to the rest of their family. He looked up to his brother wholeheartedly, but he hated the feeling of never being good enough. Of never feeling good enough. The brunette might be taller than him, but Kili always felt like he was less when he stood next to Fili. 

Fili was intelligent. He was well-spoken and articulate. He kept his composure, you would rarely see him lash out. He fought greatly in battle, and he was great with almost any weapon. He was everything a dwarf would aspire to be, and Kili did not carry those same traits. He did not think of himself as smart, he was not as understanding or as calm as his brother was, and all Kili was best at was shooting arrows. And that's as elf as they come. It was causing his chest to ache just thinking about it. 

His insecurities and doubts were snapped back into reality once again, seeing Fili calling out to him. 

Kili held his breath. Fili looked completely jaw-dropping. 

Fili was wearing a dark red, almost maroon colored tunic, the middle of his shirt completely split open as it revealed the older one's chest. The tunic wasn't baggy on him at all even, the fabric becoming tight around his biceps yet the shirt becoming a bit loose around the other one's stomach. But you could tell that the blonde carried on more weight and more muscle than Kili did, and not in a bad way either. The blonde's trousers and boots were not covered in dirt and orc blood. There goes the jealousy again. 

Of course Fili looked better than he did. Fili was just better at everything, but did it have to come to looks? Kili never thought of himself as ugly, but standing next to Fili, he might as well be. 

The two brothers made eye contact as Fili called out his name, a small smile appearing on his face. Fili was surrounded by other dwarves as they turned around to take a glance toward Kili, causing his face to flush in embarrassment. _Why was he so fucking nervous?_

Kili walked toward the group, trying to compose himself as he said hello to everyone, Fili and him sharing a small smile. 

"Kili! I haven't seen you in ages, brother. You were getting me quite worried.." Fili said, a playful smirk playing upon the older one's lips as he took a sip of what Kili assumed to be alcohol out of the large cup. 

The brunette dwarf let out a laugh, shaking his head a bit, "Pretty sure you were too busy gettin' high off of whatever you could find. Don't act like you wouldn't want all that to yourself, Fee." 

The dwarrows around the brothers let out a roar of laughter, leaving Fili to snicker a bit as he set his cup on the table nearest to him down. 

"Let me go fetch you a drink, brother," Fili began, "you must be thirsty."

The blonde gave his brother a fond smile, causing Kili's breath to hitch once the nice offer reminded him once again of how sweet his brother really was. 

Kili declined, 

"No, no.. Please. I'm almost of age, a grown man. You don't need to pester me as if I'm a child," Kili began. 

"Kili, brother, you are a child."

That caused the brunette to huff out in annoyance, the bangs on his forehead flying up a bit in response. 

Fili let out a chuckle, raising an eyebrow at the young one and looked at the brunette up and down, "See?"

"Okay..." was all Kili could muster out as the younger of the two could not figure out a good comeback at that moment, he mentally cursed at himself. He was not a  _child._ He's a grown man, dammit! And grown men get drinks by themselves, right? Yeah, yeah he was right. 

"Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to get my man-child of a brother a beverage," Fili said, the teasing in his voice quite clear, 

"Don't do anything weird," Fili warned his brother, and now it was Kili's turn to laugh. 

Kili looked at his surroundings as he noticed the dwarves in the group gave him some questioning looks. He gave a nervous smile, hoping that somehow, someway, a dwarf would have a kind enough heart to begin a conversation. But, that wasn't happening. One of them turned to the other every now and again to mumble something in the other's ear, causing a loud and exaggerated laugh to hurt Kili's ears as they stared at the brunette.

They weren't fond of him, he could tell. 

"So.." One of the female dwarves started, folding her arms over her chest as she held a drink in her hand, a curious eyebrow raised, "What's it like... being half elf?"

Kili gulped as the other dwarves around him erupted into snickers and laughter. He cleared his throat a bit, trying to keep himself calm although the only thing he could feel was the beat of his heart increasing,

"I don't.. I don't know what you are speaking of," He said, a nervous laugh escaping his lips, "All dwarf here.."

That caused the laughter around him to increase. Rapidly. He looked down at his boots, finding himself to be kicking the back of his ankle out of anxiousness. He looked back up to see their eyes all back on him again, and he wasn't all that happy to see that. He let out a gulp as one of the male dwarves leaned in a bit, his accent thick, 

"Oh come on, don't bother! It's quite obvious ya don't look like tha rest of us!" 

"It's a shame ya don't look much like yer brother over there, he's quite a beauty ain't he?" The same female dwarf interjected, causing more of the female dwarves to giggle. 

Kili furrowed his eyebrows in complete shock. Were they really going to say these things right to his face? He is royalty! An heir to the throne, he's going to be their king one day! He was utterly confused by this all. He and Fili did not meet the same traits as one another, but there wasn't that far of a difference between he and his brother when speaking about looks. They had different features, sure, but.. did he just not notice? 

"I don't think I look all that different from Fili," Kili said a bit defensively, causing the female dwarf to blink in shock at his sudden outburst. 

Then there it was again. The laughter, the snorting. Kili physically grimaced a bit, hating himself for making himself a laughing stock, oh he was completely embarrassed. 

" _All that different?_ " a different dwarf began, causing Kili to mentally roll his eyes, "You've got to be givin' me a proper jest if you suspect to come to us with that crap!" 

"Darling, haven't you looked at yourself? You're too hairless.. This right here?" The female dwarf began once again, rubbing the back of her hairy knuckles against Kili's cheek, brushing against his scruff, causing the now annoyed and upset brunette to fidget back a little from her touch, "that's barely a beard, barely anythin'! My two year old can grow better than that!" 

"And haven't you noticed how tall you are?"

"No one's heard of a tall dwarf."

"You look more like one of Sir Elrond than King Thorin,"

"Your waist is so skinny! It's like you're on an elf diet!" 

All these comments, nasty remarks, a big reminder that he again, was never going to be good enough. It was all too much for the young dwarf. He was used to the yelling, he was used to negativity. But at this point, would it be possible for him to handle it anymore? He almost hated Fili, for not bringing his drink quick enough, for fighting as well as he did, for being as kind and as generous as he is, for just being  _him._  

Kili finally pushed past the other dwarves who simply could not keep their mouths shut. He walked past everyone, shoving people who appeared in his way, hearing the rude remarks being yelled at him when he didn't apologize for getting into people's ways. He continued to shove, to push aside everyone, to just keep running. Away from all this. 

From then on, he walked around the halls of Erebor. Take in the sights before him. To be anywhere else, but nowhere near that stupid party. 

"Ah, Kili!" He heard a voice say, he turned around all too quickly, but suddenly becoming relaxed as it was only Bard. The man stared down at Kili, an apologetic smile appearing on his lips, 

"Sorry for startling you, Master Dwarf. That was not my intention." The man of Laketown said, bowing his head a little. It caused Kili to smile a little bit, letting out a soft chuckle as he continued to stare up at the dragon slayer. 

"Do not apologize, I have been having a bit of a rough night," The young dwarf confessed, "And.. there is no need to address me as  _Master,_ it makes me seem... ancient." Bard laughed as Kili's nose scrunched at the end of that statement. 

"I guess you are right," Bard continued, "but to be fair, you are the older one of the two of us,  _Kili.."_ The Bowman said, making sure to draw out emphasis on the dwarf's name. It caused Kili to chuckle. He wasn't used to being older than a lot of people, and seeing Bard, who surely looks a hell of a lot older than the brunette prince, made this situation quite ironic. 

"What is it that is making your night not so great, if you do not mind me asking?" The man questioned, causing the dwarf to look at his own chubby hands, a shy smile appearing on those lips.

"No reason, really." He said, lying through his teeth, "I just.. Don't really like the party." 

Bard looked at the dwarf up and down suspiciously, and Kili knew for a fact the dragon slayer knew that what the dwarf said was a complete bullshit lie. 

Kili swallowed down hard, sighing a bit as he began to rub the side of his neck, 

"Just a bit of sibling rivalry going on between Fili and I, guess I'm being a bit overly dramatic about the whole situation, I suppose."

And Kili was not lying. He and Fili had intense sibling rivalry, but all in good fun. No one got hurt while in the middle of it, no one got jealous, no one got upset with the other. The whole thing was completely innocent, but he needed to come up with something on the spot.

The man sighed a bit, kneeling down to Kili's level.

It caused the dwarf to hold back a snicker. Dwarves found it quite annoying when humans or elves did such a gesture. It made them feel vulnurable, as if they were a child.

"I know it's hard being a younger sibling, you always have to face the consequences of trying to match up to their level at such a young age," Bard said, "But I'm pretty sure Fili knows how special you are."

A soft smile appeared on the dwarf's face. Something like that, is something Kili really needed to hear. 

He lunged forward, engulfing the bigger man into a hug, leaving Bard completely startled.

The Bowman laughed, wrapping his long arms around Kili's petite frame gently, returning the hug.

"Do not fret," Bard said softly, "Everything will be okay in the end, I assure you of that, Ma- .. Kili, I meant Kili."

The young dwarf laughed as he let go of the man, Bard standing back up to dust himself off. 

"I must go though, I am afraid.. Sigrid is at the party unacquainted, and who knows what my daughter's intentions are when she finds your brother." The bowman said, an obvious cringe appearing on the man's face.

Kili let out a snort, nodding although he wanted to continue to speak to the bowman further, but chose against it. 

"Of course, have fun playing guard dog." Kili said teasingly, making Bard roll his eyes as he waved, walking into the direction of the party.

A loud sigh escaped out of Kili as he continued walking. He was completely dozed out once he was completely alone to himself, alone to be lost in his thoughts. He didn't remember how he ended up there, but he found himself siting on a bench in the middle of the many hallways of Erebor. He completely dismissed it, though. Not caring where he even was at the moment. He just stayed there, thinking to himself.

Thinking of Fili. Again. 

Behind all his sadness, behind all those attempts on trying to stay positive, he could not deny the simple truth of what his mind tells him. Every time Fili pops into his head, he immediately thinks of a warrior. A true King, a genuine and kind heart that would do anything for his people. And then he thinks about himself.. And his mind goes blank. 

Then there's that never ending thought again. The same thought that consumed his entire days, the same thought that continued to keep Kili away and choose to be unproductive. And all it was, was a simple question.  _Was he good enough?_

Of course he wasn't. 

Snapped out of his thoughts a third time today, he stood up to go to his bedroom. 

 _'I'm done for today...'_ The young dwarf thought to himself. He walked down the halls once again, passing by the party as he heard people talking, laughing, yelling, singing, it made Kili want to puke. 

He found himself in his bedroom out on the balcony, just taking in the night sky. It was quite beautiful. He didn't even know he stayed at that party as long as he did, it seemed to pass by so quickly when he was having fun. 

Keyword -  _when._

He sighed, his forearms leaning on top of the fence of his balcony, continuing to stare up into the sky. 

"You look like a long lost princess," 

Kili almost screamed, turning around quickly to see that it wasn't some intruder, instead, his eyes landed on a familiar head of golden hair. 

" _Fili,_ " Kili almost breathed out, still a bit startled as he rubbed his arm nervously.

He looked at his brother who was leaning against the door frame of the balcony door, a small grin formed onto his face as he held a drink in each hand.

"you need to stomp your feet a little when you walk, I didn't even hear you come in!" 

The brunette ran a hand through his hair nervously, folding his arms over his chest as he stared at his clearly amused older brother,

"And I am a prince, not a princess! And I am far from being lost!" He spat out defensively, knowing that his tone and his words were completely over exaggerated. 

Fili shrugged, leaning off of the door frame with a snicker, walking closer to the dwarf, handing his brother his drink as Kili snatched it, taking a sip.

"I said you looked like a lost princess, not that you are one.." The blonde said calmly, causing the younger prince to sigh a bit in relief.

"... But the way you were looking up at that sky, you might as well be." His brother then teased, Kili shoving his older brother's arm as Fili began to giggle uncontrollably. 

_'He even has a cuter laugh than I do. I want to die.'_

Kili took his place once again against the balcony, his brother joining him seconds later, causing them to stand side to side. 

"Guess now we're both a long lost princess," Kili joked, the older prince letting out a quiet snort as he took another swig of his drink.

They sat there, in comfortable silence. Just the two of them. And it felt nice. 

Of course, knowing Kili's luck, that didn't last long.

"I know you've been avoiding me," Fili began, causing Kili to stop breathing for a quick moment.

But Fili continued to look completely unfazed by his own words, the blonde continued to admire the view before them. 

"I do not know the situation you are currently facing, but if I have done something that has angered or upset you, brother, I would love to know." 

Kili could hear the guilt and the hurt in his brother's voice, and the guilt began to eat the young dwarf alive.

All that jealousy, all those inappropriate and preposterous thoughts were not worth hurting the golden prince. And Kili would do anything to take it back. 

"You have done nothing, brother, I assure you of that, I just.." Kili began, looking down at his cup as he sighed a bit as if he were contemplating on things to say. 

"You just have been through a lot, I know." Fili said, a loud and short sigh escaping the blonde. 

They stood there in silence, both of them daring not to take another glance at each other, so they decided to look forth, to admire the view that was currently in front of them. And Kili stood by his statement from before, tonight looked beautiful. And not one of them shared a word, it was complete bliss for Kili, honestly.

It's one thing he loved about Fili. Nothing felt awkward, even though Fili knew that Kili was clearly not okay, he did not make a big fuss to the point where Kili was uncomfortable. He let his younger brother take his time, and Kili hated himself even more. Why did his brother have to be so... perfect?

"You mean more to me than all the gold in this Kingdom, Kee," Fili began after that short amount of silence, "You are my brother, the one I will always fight beside. There is nothing in this world that can compare to how much you mean to me. I would do anything for you, but keeping myself silenced when you are clearly not in a healthy state, I will not risk that." 

Fili told Kili, and this time, the blonde took a glance at him, his blue eyes starting intently at him. His brother cared about him, and the fact that Kili worried him to this extent, how could he forgive himself? He wanted to throw himself off this balcony as Fili said such words to him. Fili was so sweet and kind, Kili probably says this to himself four times a day. 

"If you would rather not speak about this, then so be it. I will still continue to make sure to be here for you, I will still continue to be your brother," Fili nudged his brother's side a little, causing Kili to look the opposite way, a blush appearing on the young one's cheeks.

Kili could not stand this anymore.

His brother will continuously offer him the world even though he would deny it, and it makes Kili so sad.

Fili deserves so much better than that, a brother more deserving of his unconditional love and support. Not someone who continuously pushes him away due to his own selfish reasons.

Fili was the perfect brother even when Kili felt not deserving of it, and that was his problem.

Fili was generous, understanding, wise. Everything Kili was not. What could some kid such as himself have to offer? To offer a man so giving and so caring, what did Kili do to have someone watch over him? To have someone so... amazing?

And if Kili's heart was too fulfilled with the love and support his brother put his utmost to give, the blonde continued talking.

"I will agree and stand by you if you choose not to speak of it, but please do not tell me that you're okay," Fili sighed.

Kili continued to be silent, looking at his own cup, feeling a hand being placed on his shoulder comfortingly, 

"I am not blind, brother. I know that you are far from being alright, please, Kili, let me help you."

"I'm fine,"

"Well you don't seem fine at all."

"My condolences for not being as stunning and as incredible as you are, brother." Kili spat, immediately regretting the words that flew out of his mouth that he could not control.  _Dammit,_ _why do I always let my emotions get the better of me?!_

Fili stared at him, his face somewhat unreadable. He stared at Kili, the brunette not understanding if the blonde got affected by his words or if it were just sinking in.

A worried look then washed over the blonde's face as he realized. The blonde stepped a bit closer, Kili practically feeling Fili's breath against his jaw.

Kili only looked at the older dwarf out of the corner of his eye.

"Please do not shut me out." Fili whispered, the pleading in his voice quite clear. 

And that's when Kili had enough. Not enough of Fili, but himself. 

He shoved his brother's hand off him, slamming his on top of the fence of the balcony in frustration as he let out a groan, 

"You just don't get it, do you?" He asked his brother. And it was a genuine question too.

Fili was completely and utterly oblivious.

"Excuse me?" Fili asked, a bit of sternness yet confusion filling his tone.

Letting out a groan in annoyance, Kili ran his hands through his hair. Never in his life has he been so frustrated, so upset, and he knew that Fili only wanted to help, but that did not cure the fact that Kili's emotions and feelings that he's been hiding inside himself for months was slowly beginning to break loose, 

Kili backed away, standing in the middle of the balcony as he started at the golden prince who was startled by his sudden outburst, 

"Oh, I don't know," Kili began, a dry chuckle escaping him as the emotions, the jealousy, became the better of him,

"Maybe if you got off your high horse you would notice! Notice the fact that I'm the one that has to live in  _your_ shadow, that has to continuously try to better himself just so he can reach the expectations of being as strong-willed and as courageous as his older brother! I hate it, I hate feeling like I have to work myself ten times harder because  _our_ people continue to belittle me for not looking like you! Not fighting like you! Not being like you! It makes me want to rip my hair out, that you don't understand how great you actually are!" 

Fili stepped towards his brother, "Kili,  _please.."_

"No! You're gonna let me finish, because I'm tired, not only from the journey, but trying to keep up with you! Sure, I'm not as smart as you are, I'm not as fast or as quick, I'm slow when it comes to finding solutions and I know that you could easily beat me in a fight, I know it all! Because I get told that,  _everyday._ Not only by other dwarves or elves, but by myself too! It's completely pathetic,"

Kili wanted to stop yelling, to quickly apologize to his older brother and tell him to pretend as if nothing happened. To make things okay before making it any worse than it has to be, they could easily just hug it out and make up, but the anger inside of Kili was just too strong at this point. And he needed to let it off his chest. 

" _Oh, Fili is just a beauty ain't he? Fili could have easily taken down those nasty men unlike you, Kili! Maybe if you were smart like your brother, you wouldn't be so hardheaded!  Maybe you wouldn't be so elf-like, maybe you could be just as magnificent and as stunning as a single golden hair on your older brother's head!"_ Kili said in a very sarcastic, mocking tone, and fuck was he going to regret saying all this.

By now, Kili no longer fought back the tears streaming down his face. He felt like an idiot, he already embarrassed himself at the party, and now in front of the person he cared about most? Wow! He's just on a roll today! But Fili stared at him. And he looked more than upset, he looked.. Mad, hurt, and confused all at the same time. Why was this so confusing for him? 

Kili was breathing heavily. From the yelling, from his anger, and from the tears he forced himself to hold back. 

He did not mean to let his anger out on Fili, he didn't deserve any of it. He was angry at himself, not his brother.. But there was no changing what he's done.

"I..." Fili began, desperately trying to search for the right words for this situation. And he always had something to say, but now, he kept drawing a blank. 

The blonde gulped, "I'm sorry.. Kili.. I'm so sorry," he tried to say, his voice lowering to barely a whisper at the end of his apology. 

But that didn't stop the older prince from walking up to his younger brother, seeing the sadness in those brown eyes as tears continuously spilled out of them. 

"Why didn't you tell me...?" Fili whispered to his brother, his hands now clenching onto Kili's shirt, his fingers digging into the fabric.

The brunette's shoulders slumped, his head tilted a bit to meet his brother's gaze, 

"I didn't want to worry you, brother.. I thought.. I thought I was being selfish. For wanting to be like you..." Kili hiccuped.

Fili pulled a strand of Kili's hair behind his ear, staring up into those brown eyes,

"You were not selfish, little brother. You were simply lost and confused, you are much more than what you think."

All these words Fili spoke to him the moment he stepped on the balcony continued to love his brother even more. And how calm Fili is now.. After all the things he said about him? How could anyone deserve this prince?

"Why...?" Kili all but whispered, a soft hiccup escaping his lips as he looked down at Fili, his blue eyes somehow managing to look bluer than before,

"Why do you have to be so  _fucking perfect..?"_

Fili quickly pulled Kili into a tight embrace, feeling the tears escaping from his younger brother begin to dampen his shirt. He let out a quiet sigh, his hands running through those brown locks as Kili clutched on the the back of Fili's shirt desperately, sobbing into the older man's shoulder. 

Fili hushed him soothingly, kissing his brother's temple reassuringly, "I am far from perfect, brother," Fili began, earning a snort from the younger one.

"It's true," He began, "I have my flaws as you have yours. There is nothing wrong with the way you look. Just because your looks do not identify to what is considered the norm for us dwarves, does not mean you are not valid, brother. You are strong, you are smart, you're _handsome_. you might get a little lazy, but you always know how to push through during a tough situation."

Kili all but sniffled, so the blonde continued, 

"You are faster than me at swimming, my short legs can't keep up with you," The golden prince commented, causing his younger brother that he loved so dearly to giggle, "You are also better at handling that bow, and it's not a bad thing. Or an elf thing. It means you are diverse in your talents, not a lot of dwarves are like that. You are worthy of so much more, you helped bring back Erebor. You did that, we did that. Together."

Kili pulled away a bit, wiping at his tears as a few sniffles escaped him. He then looked at his brother, who quickly cupped his face to wipe away any other tears that stained the poor dwarf's now rosy cheeks.

The brunette let out a weak giggle, his head tilting to the side a bit as a childish smile formed onto his lips, "You really think I'm handsome?"

Fili rolled his eyes at the taller, but much dorkier dwarf, giving him a small nod as he smiled back.

"Of course, Kili. With all my heart," And that made Kili's heart swell. He was blessed with such a charismatic brother, what the hell was he gonna do? 

Fili's smile turned into a cheeky grin, "Now.. Don't go off telling the company and anyone else that will listen to you that your brother thinks you're pretty, no matter how bad you want to." The older brother joked, causing them both to burst out into giggling like a bunch of idiots. 

Fili rested his forehead against his brother's, a loving gesture that the two of them and Uncle Thorin do quite often. 

"Hey Kee?"

"Yes?"

The words Fili says then completely throws Kili off guard, as if by that one little gesture, Fili could read the young dwarf's mind. Like he knew about that one little question that taunted Kili's thoughts for weeks and weeks now, and his brother completely diminished all meaning to that negativity within those next few words. 

 

"You will _always_ be good enough."

 

**Author's Note:**

> helloo! this is my first one shot, ever. and i've been dying to write something like this for a while. you can think of this as durincest or just as a brotherly love type situation, i don't really mind! i hope you enjoyed it, this is my first time at writing stuff like this, so i hope it wasn't too dramatic or anything. i tend to do that often, because i'm a drama queen. :D  
> leave feedback and criticism if you'd like, let me know if you enjoyed it! i would love to read it.  
> and i would also like to apologize if this one-shot seems rushed, gah!  
> \- isaiah ((:


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